you catch a lot of flies with honey, but you catch more honeys being fly
Tweets concerning UCSB shooting, misogyny, and masculinity by Imran Siddiquee, Director of Communications for The Representation Project, the organization behind Miss Represenation and the soon-to-be-released documentary The Mask You Live In
IT’S TERRIFYING TO THINK OF HOW MANY TIMES I DIDN’T SPEAK UP AT ALL.
THIS. When is the last time you heard of a woman making some angry manifesto against men rejecting her and then going on a man-killing rampage?
I’m not afraid to admit I am really struggling with the UCSB murders and the events surrounding them. Mostly I’m struggling with the fact that this wasn’t a wake-up call. This didn’t open peoples’ eyes to what is going on in our society. There are people who exist that think Elliot Roger was in the right to kill people because women had turned him down, people that justified his actions by saying “wouldn’t it have been easier if they had just said ‘yes’?,” people that even say what he did was “self-defense” for all the rejection he experienced. There are people who exist that will continue to support his actions by using the term “friend zone” and put down women who are simply not interested in them because if they don’t want you, “they were ugly sluts, anyway” (were they ugly sluts when you were hitting on them?). There are people who will think Elliot Roger probably was a “nice guy” and think “hey, I’m a nice guy too!” They will justify their own thoughts of agreement because “they’re not crazy and would never go that far.”
If you are one of those people, please walk out of my life.
If you are a man and you defend this guy’s actions or try to find an excuse for it, if you denounce what really happened, or if you in any way lay blame on women for these events, every girl you know, every woman you love, has just now thought to themselves that you might lose your shit and kill them someday for saying no. You have just lost their trust. And you know what? You deserve to lose it. So get away from me.
I’m no longer standing by idly when I see, hear, or read misogynistic words, no matter how small or inconsequential they seem. I’m no longer letting the “friend zone” comments fly. I’m not going to be quiet anymore. Your “cool story babe, now make me a sandwich” t-shirt? It’s getting called out. Your “C_NT. All that’s missing is U” hat? It’s getting called out. Your whining on facebook that “you’re always the friend, never the boyfriend” or “girls complain they want a nice guy but never want me” (hint: if you have to say you’re a nice guy, you aren’t. If you are just being a nice guy to get sex, you aren’t a nice guy). IT’S GETTING CALLED OUT. Was it “just a joke, chill out”? It’s. getting. called. out. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of the rage I feel inside when I see these things. I shouldn’t be the only one outraged and I shouldn’t have to hide my opinion, your t-shirt sure didn’t.
Remember that women don’t owe anyone anything. They don’t owe their bodies, they don’t owe a date, they don’t even owe it to be pretty when they’re just running to the grocery store. Not for men. Not for other women. Not for their families. Not for anyone. They aren’t obligated to anyone but themselves.
We cannot keep perpetuating thoughts that cause violence.
We cannot keep letting inequality slide.
I’m not going to be afraid anymore, and I’m definitely not going to feel bad for it: If I see something wrong, I’m saying something right.
Remember if you do too, you won’t be alone.
Mary Katrantzou Spring/Summer 2012